Perimenopause can be confusing, overwhelming and, for many women, completely unexpected.
In this episode of Riding the Trauma Train, Lydia speaks with Caroline Milne, a former NHS nurse and menopause coach, about what happens when hormonal change meets grief, stress and major life transitions.
Caroline shares her deeply personal experience of navigating severe perimenopause symptoms while also grieving the loss of both of her parents. What followed was a period of intense emotional and physical upheaval that left her questioning what was happening to her body and mind.
Her story highlights something many women experience but rarely talk about openly: sometimes life events and hormonal changes collide all at once.
When the Symptoms First Appear
Caroline’s first symptoms were not what she expected.
She began experiencing joint pain throughout her body, waking up feeling stiff and exhausted. At first, she believed the symptoms might be linked to having had Covid. After visiting a doctor, she was initially referred to rheumatology and told it could be fibromyalgia.
At the time, perimenopause was not something she had even considered. She was only 44 and assumed menopause would happen much later.
It was not until later that the possibility of perimenopause was raised.
Looking back, Caroline realised her body had already begun the transition.
The Emotional Changes That Followed
As time passed, other symptoms started to appear.
Caroline noticed changes in her menstrual cycle, sleep disruption, anxiety and sudden emotional shifts. One of the most shocking experiences for her was the intensity of her emotional reactions.
She described moments of sudden rage that felt completely unlike her. At times she would feel so overwhelmed that she had to physically leave the house to calm down.
These emotional changes were followed by guilt and self-blame. Like many women going through perimenopause, she began questioning herself as a parent, partner and professional.
At the same time, she was also navigating grief.
Losing Both Parents While Navigating Perimenopause
Caroline’s father passed away in 2019 after living with dementia. While that loss was incredibly painful, she had already experienced anticipatory grief as his condition progressed.
Not long after, her body began showing signs of perimenopause.
Then, several years later, her mother became seriously ill.
During this time Caroline had also just started a new nursing job. Within weeks of beginning the role, her mother was admitted to hospital and it became clear she was approaching the end of her life.
Caroline found herself travelling long distances to support her mother while also trying to manage a demanding new job and worsening perimenopause symptoms.
When her mother eventually passed away, the emotional impact was overwhelming.
Losing her second parent brought back the grief of losing her father as well. Caroline described it as feeling like she was grieving both losses at the same time.
When Stress Makes Symptoms Worse
One of the important things Caroline explains in this conversation is how stress can intensify perimenopause symptoms.
During periods of high stress, the body produces more cortisol. This stress hormone can disrupt the balance of other hormones, which can make perimenopause symptoms feel even more severe.
At the time, Caroline was dealing with multiple pressures:
grief
a new job
travel and caregiving responsibilities
emotional exhaustion
hormonal changes
Eventually she reached a point where something had to give.
Caroline made the difficult decision to step away from nursing after nearly two decades in the profession. It was a heartbreaking choice, but one that allowed her the space she needed to begin rebuilding her wellbeing.
Understanding the Stages of Menopause
During the episode, Caroline explains the different stages many women go through.
Premenopause refers to the reproductive years before hormonal changes begin.
Perimenopause is the transitional stage where hormone levels fluctuate. This stage can last several years and is often when symptoms first appear.
Menopause itself is technically a single point in time. It is reached when someone has gone 12 consecutive months without a menstrual bleed.
After that point, the body gradually adapts to lower hormone levels.
Understanding these stages can help women feel less confused when symptoms begin.
Why Awareness Matters
Many women feel blindsided by perimenopause because the conversation around menopause has historically been limited.
For years, menopause was often reduced to a stereotype about hot flushes. In reality, symptoms can affect the whole body and mind.
Women may experience:
anxiety
sleep disruption
brain fog
joint pain
mood changes
fatigue
menstrual changes
These symptoms can also overlap with trauma responses, burnout or grief, which can make it even harder to understand what is happening.
That is why education and open conversations are so important.
Supporting Your Body Through Perimenopause
Caroline now works with women to help them better understand their symptoms and find supportive ways to navigate this stage of life.
Some of the simple but powerful strategies she recommends include:
prioritising good sleep routines
getting natural daylight in the morning to support circadian rhythm
reducing stress where possible
practising breathwork to calm the nervous system
tracking symptoms before speaking with a GP
learning more about hormonal health
These small changes can help the body and nervous system feel more supported during a time of significant transition.
From Nurse to Menopause Coach
After leaving nursing, Caroline began learning more deeply about menopause and hormonal health.
What started as a personal search for answers eventually led her to train as a menopause coach. She now supports other women through education, workshops and community support groups.
Her work focuses on helping women understand what their bodies are going through and reminding them that they are not alone.
A Reminder for Anyone Listening
One of the most reassuring messages Caroline shares is this.
Your body is not falling apart.
Perimenopause can feel frightening and unpredictable, especially when symptoms appear alongside other life challenges. But it is a natural transition, and with the right support many women find their balance again.
If you are navigating this stage of life, please remember that you do not have to go through it alone.
Listen to the Full Episode
You can hear Caroline’s full story in this episode of Riding the Trauma Train.
Together we explore the intersection of perimenopause, grief, stress and healing, and why compassion and awareness are so important for women navigating midlife changes.
Connect
Website: ridingthetraumatrain.co.uk
Instagram: @ridingthetraumatrain
Email: lydia@info.ridingthetraumatrain.co.uk