Late ADHD and Autism Diagnosis: Emily Edwards on Masking, Identity and Being Truly Heard
What does it mean to be truly heard?
For many people, especially those who are neurodivergent, it is something they have rarely experienced.
In this conversation, Lydia speaks with Emily Edwards, a neurodivergent coach and founder of WithINsight Coaching, about her journey to a late diagnosis of ADHD and autism, and the powerful work she now does supporting others to understand themselves.
This is not just a conversation about diagnosis.
It is a conversation about identity, masking, self-awareness and what happens when someone is finally given the space to explore who they really are.
“I didn’t know who I was”
Emily’s journey began not with her own assessment, but with her daughter’s.
As she supported her child through the process, she began to notice familiar patterns in herself. Traits, behaviours and needs that had always been there, but had never been recognised or named.
Like many women, Emily had spent years adapting.
Fitting in.
Masking.
Pushing through.
Without realising that there was another way of understanding herself.
Her diagnosis, received in her late thirties, became a turning point. Not just in naming her experience, but in allowing her to begin making sense of it.
The hidden cost of masking
Masking is something that came up strongly throughout the conversation.
As Emily explains, masking is not just about changing behaviour. It is about suppressing parts of yourself in order to feel accepted or safe.
This might look like:
- Saying yes when you mean no
- Copying how others behave socially
- Hiding overwhelm
- Forcing yourself through situations that feel uncomfortable
Over time, this becomes exhausting.
For many people, especially those who are late diagnosed, it has been happening for so long that it feels automatic.
Emily shares how masking can be both conscious and unconscious, and how recognising it is often one of the first steps towards change.
Why being heard matters
One of the most powerful moments in this conversation is Emily’s reflection on how rare it is for people to feel truly heard.
Not interpreted.
Not analysed.
Not fixed.
Simply heard, exactly as they are.
This is at the heart of Emily’s work.
Through clean language coaching, she creates a space where people can explore their thoughts using their own words, without judgement or assumptions being placed onto their experience.
In a world where many people have been told they are too much or not enough, this kind of space can be deeply validating.
Understanding yourself in your own way
Clean language coaching is not about giving advice or telling someone what something means.
Instead, it is about:
- Slowing things down
- Reflecting language back
- Supporting self-inquiry
- Allowing meaning to come from within
As explored in the conversation, even a simple thought like feeling organised can unfold into a deeper understanding of overwhelm, coping strategies and emotional regulation.
For people who feel stuck, confused or disconnected from themselves, this approach offers a different way forward.
Neurodivergence, trauma and the nervous system
Another important theme is the overlap between neurodivergence and trauma.
While they are not the same, there can be similarities in how they show up:
- Hyper-awareness of others
- Difficulty with boundaries
- Overwhelm and shutdown
- People-pleasing patterns
Emily’s work is naturally trauma-informed, not by analysing or labelling, but by allowing each person’s experience to remain their own.
This creates a safer space for exploration, especially for those who may have felt misunderstood in the past.
Hormones, ADHD and changing experiences
The conversation also touches on the impact of hormones on neurodivergent experiences.
For many women, changes during perimenopause can affect:
- Memory
- Focus
- Emotional regulation
- Decision-making
This can be the point where long-standing patterns become more visible or harder to manage.
For some, it is also when they begin to question whether they might be neurodivergent.
You are allowed to understand yourself
Emily’s work is rooted in a simple but powerful idea.
You are allowed to understand yourself.
You are allowed to be curious about how you work.
You are allowed to question what you have been told.
And you are allowed to take up space in your own experience.
Whether or not you choose to pursue a diagnosis, self-awareness is a valid and important step.
Listen to the full conversation
If this resonates with you, you can listen to the full conversation with Emily Edwards on the Riding the Trauma Train podcast.
About Emily Edwards
Emily Edwards is a neurodivergent coach and founder of WithINsight Coaching. As a late diagnosed autistic ADHDer, she supports individuals, parents, carers and workplaces to better understand neurodivergence through approaches such as clean language and clean space.
Website: withinsightcoaching.co.uk
Instagram: @withinsightcoaching
Connect with Lydia
Website: ridingthetraumatrain.co.uk
Instagram: @ridingthetraumatrain
Email: lydia@info.ridingthetraumatrain.co.uk