For many people, change starts with awareness.
You notice the pattern.
You tell yourself this time will be different.
You understand what you are doing.
And yet, somehow, you find yourself back in the same place.
If you have ever thought, “Why do I keep doing this when I know better?”, you are not alone.
In this episode of Riding the Trauma Train, Lydia is joined by addiction expert Dr Robb Kelly to explore the deeper connection between trauma, addiction and self-sabotage.
Because addiction is not just about the behaviour.
It is about what is underneath it.
Addiction Is Not Just About the Substance
When we think about addiction, we often think about alcohol or drugs.
But addiction can take many forms.
Food. Spending. Work. Relationships. Control.
As Lydia shares in this conversation, her own experience with food was not about the food itself. It was about what it helped her cope with.
Addiction often serves a purpose.
It can numb.
It can distract.
It can create relief, even if only for a moment.
So instead of asking, “Why can’t I stop?”, a more helpful question might be:
What is this helping me avoid or manage?
The Link Between Trauma and Addiction
Trauma does not always come from one big event.
It can come from repeated experiences that shape how safe you feel in the world.
Growing up in unpredictable environments.
Being told to stay quiet.
Feeling like you had to earn love or approval.
Walking on eggshells.
Over time, your system adapts.
It learns what to expect.
It learns what feels familiar.
It learns how to cope.
Addiction can become part of that coping.
Not because you are weak.
But because your system is trying to manage something it does not feel safe to hold.
Why Self-Sabotage Feels Familiar
One of the most powerful ideas in this episode is that familiar pain can feel safer than the unknown.
Even when something is not good for you, if it is familiar, your system knows how to handle it.
So when something healthier comes along, it can feel uncomfortable.
Uncertain.
Even unsafe.
This is where self-sabotage can show up.
You might notice yourself:
Pulling away from something good
Returning to old habits
Doubting yourself
Creating problems where there were none
Not because you want to struggle.
But because your system is trying to stay within what it recognises.
When the Mind Understands but the Pattern Stays
A lot of people reach a point where they understand their behaviour.
They can see the pattern clearly.
And yet, nothing changes.
This can feel frustrating and confusing.
But as this episode explores, much of what drives behaviour sits below conscious awareness.
Beliefs formed early in life can shape how you see yourself and what you believe is possible.
If part of you learned that you are not safe, not enough or not worthy, that belief does not disappear just because you recognise it.
It continues to influence how you act, what you choose and how you respond.
This is where self-sabotage often comes from.
Not failure.
Protection.
The Role of Environment and Influence
Healing does not happen in isolation.
The people around you matter.
If you are surrounded by negativity, criticism or people who reinforce old patterns, it becomes much harder to create change.
Your environment can either support your growth or pull you back into what feels familiar.
Sometimes breaking patterns means stepping away from what you have always known.
That can feel uncomfortable.
It can feel lonely.
But it can also be part of creating something different.
The First Step to Breaking the Pattern
When Lydia asks what someone should do if they are struggling, the answer is simple.
Start a conversation.
Tell someone.
For many people, this is the hardest step.
There can be fear.
Shame.
A belief that no one will understand.
But staying silent often keeps the pattern in place.
Speaking out can begin to shift it.
Small Shifts Still Matter
Change does not always come from big, dramatic moments.
It often starts with small, consistent shifts.
Noticing when a pattern is happening.
Pausing before reacting.
Choosing something slightly different.
Building simple routines that support you.
These steps might seem small.
But over time, they begin to create change.
Seeing Yourself Differently
One of the most powerful shifts in this work is how you see yourself.
It is easy to fall into self-judgement.
Why am I like this?
I should know better.
What is wrong with me?
But when you begin to understand the link between trauma, addiction and behaviour, something changes.
Your patterns start to make sense.
Instead of seeing yourself as broken, you begin to see yourself as someone who adapted.
And that can be the start of a much more compassionate relationship with yourself.
You Do Not Have to Do This Alone
If this episode resonates with you, it is important to remember this.
What you are experiencing makes sense.
And you do not have to navigate it on your own.
Healing is not about forcing change or getting it perfect.
It is about support.
Awareness.
And taking small steps forward.
Final Thoughts
Breaking addiction patterns is not just about stopping a behaviour.
It is about understanding what that behaviour has been doing for you.
It is about recognising the role of trauma, the subconscious and the need for safety.
And it is about knowing that change is possible.
Not overnight.
Not all at once.
But gradually, with the right support.Listen to the Full Episode