What happens when you have spent so long surviving that you stop feeling connected to your own body?
You might understand what happened to you. You might have talked about it, processed parts of it and learnt why you respond in certain ways.
But your body can still feel like somewhere you don’t quite know how to be.
In Episode 36 of Riding the Trauma Train, I spoke with Melissa Blynn, CEO of EpicLuv and a trauma-informed coach whose work explores somatic healing, nervous system awareness and feminine embodiment.
Our conversation went into some incredibly personal places. We talked about complex trauma, s*xual abuse, dissociation, grief, vulnerability, asking for help and what it can mean to slowly reconnect with your body after years of disconnection.
And one question kept coming back:
What is your body trying to tell you? Pasted text
When disconnecting from your body helped you survive
Melissa experienced multiple traumatic events from a young age, including childhood s*xual abuse, emotional and verbal abuse, parental addiction and foster care. She later experienced cervical cancer and a serious car accident.
She describes reaching adulthood having developed a relationship with pain where it had almost become normal.
Her professional journey took her from banking into personal training, nutrition and NLP. But eventually she realised that understanding what was happening in the mind was only one part of the picture.
The body needed to be part of the conversation too. Pasted text
For some people who have experienced trauma, disconnection can be protective.
When something is too overwhelming, frightening or outside our control, feeling less connected to what is happening in the body can be part of how we survive that experience.
That means reconnecting isn’t necessarily as simple as deciding, “I’m going to listen to my body now.”
It can take time.
What is felt sense?
One of the things Melissa talks about throughout the episode is felt sense.
It sounds complicated, but the way she explains it is actually very simple.
Can you notice what is happening in your body?
Maybe you feel tension in your shoulders.
Maybe your stomach tightens around a particular person.
Maybe you notice warmth, cold, tingling or goosebumps.
Perhaps your body relaxes when you feel comfortable, or contracts when something doesn’t feel right.
These physical sensations can be easy to overlook, especially when you are used to living predominantly in your head.
Melissa describes rebuilding that awareness as part of reconnecting with yourself. Pasted text
Have you lost your softness?
This was one of the parts of our conversation that really stayed with me.
Melissa talked about women who have experienced trauma wearing their strength almost like a badge of honour.
I’ve survived it.
I’ve overcome it.
I can handle this.
And I understand that.
For years, I wore my own armour.
I didn’t want anyone thinking that what had happened to me was still affecting me. I could take the armour off briefly, but I would reach straight back for it.
Being strong felt safer.
But Melissa asked something important:
Has that strength come at the expense of your softness? Pasted text
Because there is another side to strength.
Being able to say you’re struggling.
Allowing someone to support you.
Admitting you’re scared.
Resting when you need to rest.
Being vulnerable with people who have earned the right to see that vulnerability.
Strength and softness do not have to be opposites.
When I couldn’t wear the armour anymore
When my abuser died, everything changed for me.
I had spent years carrying anger alongside the impact of what had happened. But his death brought emotions I wasn’t prepared for.
There was anger.
There was relief.
There was grief.
There was also grief for the childhood and safety I should have had.
Eventually, there was numbness.
For a while, I didn’t cry. I didn’t really face it.
Until eventually the tap turned on.
I had to admit that I wasn’t OK. Pasted text
For someone who had spent years being strong, asking for help felt huge.
But I now see vulnerability differently.
Sometimes saying “I can’t do this on my own” is one of the strongest things we can do.
Your emotions aren’t the enemy
Towards the end of our conversation, Melissa talks about the messages women can receive around emotions.
Too emotional.
Too sensitive.
Overreacting.
Difficult.
Those messages can teach us to distrust what we feel.
Melissa offers a different perspective. She describes emotions as information and encourages women to become curious about their internal landscape.
What am I feeling?
What might I need?
Is there a boundary here?
What is happening in my body?
That doesn’t mean every emotion needs to dictate what you do next.
It means you are allowed to notice it.
You are allowed to listen.
And you are allowed to ask for help. Pasted text
Coming back to yourself
Reconnecting with your body after trauma doesn’t need to mean forcing yourself into an intense healing experience.
It might start much smaller.
Noticing your feet on the floor.
Recognising that you’re exhausted.
Realising you’re holding your breath.
Noticing when your shoulders relax.
Saying no when something feels too much.
Allowing yourself to rest.
Or simply asking:
What do I notice in my body right now?
There doesn’t need to be a profound answer.
Sometimes noticing is enough.
You don’t have to be strong all the time
Melissa’s answer to my Conductor’s Question beautifully brought our conversation together.
If she could sit beside the younger Melissa who had experienced so much, she would tell her that her feelings matter, her needs matter, her voice matters and that she matters.
I think there is something in that for all of us.
You can be resilient and need support.
You can be strong and soft.
You can have survived something and still have difficult days.
You can understand your trauma intellectually and still be learning how to reconnect with your body.
Healing doesn’t have to mean becoming someone who is never affected by what happened.
Sometimes it is learning how to walk alongside your experiences without allowing them to decide every destination ahead.
Episode 36: Why You Feel Disconnected From Your Body After Trauma | Melissa Blynn
Melissa Blynn is CEO of EpicLuv and works across somatic healing, nervous system awareness and feminine embodiment.
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Content note: This episode discusses childhood trauma, sexual and physical abuse, addiction, foster care, pregnancy termination, cancer, bereavement and traumatic loss. Melissa also describes an intimate somatic therapy experience. Please listen in whatever way feels supportive for you.
You are not on this journey alone.
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